The Wildflower Journal

You Are Allowed to Outgrow Yourself

There is a strange kind of grief that can come with growth.

We talk so much about outgrowing places, relationships, jobs and situations that we sometimes forget there is another person we are allowed to outgrow too.

Ourselves.

The person you were a year ago does not have to be the person you remain forever.

The habits that once kept you safe do not have to become permanent parts of your personality.

The dreams you once had are allowed to change.

The things you once tolerated can become things you would never accept today.

And changing your mind about the life you want does not mean you failed at the life you were building before.

It means you grew.

You don’t have to hate who you were

I think this is one of the most important parts of healing.

Sometimes, when we begin changing, we look backwards and judge ourselves incredibly harshly.

Why did I put up with that?

Why didn’t I speak up?

Why did I stay for so long?

Why did I care so much about what everybody thought?

Why didn’t I start sooner?

But you’re judging an old version of yourself with knowledge she didn’t have yet.

She made decisions using the experiences, confidence, resources and understanding available to her at that time.

Maybe she people-pleased because keeping everyone happy made her feel safe.

Maybe she stayed quiet because she’d learned that speaking up caused conflict.

Maybe she clung tightly to things because she’d already lost too much.

Maybe she kept herself small because being seen felt frightening.

Maybe she simply hadn’t discovered yet that there was another way to live.

You don’t need to be embarrassed by her.

You don’t need to erase her.

And you certainly don’t need to hate her in order to leave her behind.

You can look back and say:

Thank you for getting me here. But I don’t need you to carry me anymore.

Sometimes survival skills have an expiry date

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot.

We develop ways of coping because, at some point, they work.

Avoiding difficult conversations might protect us from conflict.

Putting everybody else’s needs before our own might make us feel needed.

Keeping ourselves constantly busy might stop uncomfortable feelings creeping in.

Never asking for help might give us a sense of control.

These things aren’t always weaknesses.

Sometimes they’re survival skills.

The problem comes when we’re no longer in the situation we developed them for, but we’re still living as though we are.

Eventually, something that once protected you can become something that confines you.

And healing can mean gently asking:

Do I still need this?

Not, What’s wrong with me?

Not, Why am I like this?

Just:

Is this still helping the person I’m becoming?

Growth doesn’t always look like adding more

We often imagine personal growth as becoming more.

More confident.

More productive.

More disciplined.

More successful.

More spiritual.

More everything.

But sometimes growth is subtraction.

It’s saying no without writing a three-paragraph explanation afterwards.

It’s resting without believing you’ve wasted the day.

It’s no longer chasing people who repeatedly show you they don’t want to be caught.

It’s changing a goal that doesn’t excite you anymore.

It’s realising you don’t actually enjoy something you’ve spent years telling yourself you love.

It’s allowing yourself to become softer in places where you once needed armour.

Sometimes becoming yourself means putting things down.

You are not betraying your old self

Changing doesn’t make the person you used to be fake.

That version of you was real.

She mattered.

Her dreams mattered.

Her pain mattered.

Her choices brought you here.

But you aren’t required to build your entire future around decisions made by someone who hadn’t lived everything you’ve lived since.

Think about how much you’ve learned.

How many conversations you’ve had.

How many endings you’ve survived.

How many times you’ve surprised yourself.

How many things you understand now that you couldn’t possibly have understood then.

Of course you’ve changed.

You’re supposed to.

Maybe you’re not losing yourself

There are seasons when growth can feel unsettling.

Things that once fitted suddenly don’t.

You respond differently.

Your priorities shift.

You become less willing to tolerate certain behaviour.

You want different things.

And there can be this uncomfortable moment where you wonder:

Who even am I anymore?

But perhaps you’re not losing yourself at all.

Perhaps you’re meeting yourself without all the things you once believed you had to be.

Perhaps the discomfort isn’t a sign that you’re going backwards.

Perhaps you’ve simply outgrown the version of yourself you’ve already learned everything you needed from.

And now you get to discover who comes next.

You don’t need to know exactly who that person is yet.

You don’t need a five-year plan.

You don’t need to reinvent your entire life by Monday morning.

You can simply take the next step.

Then another.

And another.

The path will appear as you walk it.

A little reflection for today 🌿

If you have your journal nearby, sit with these questions for a few minutes:

• What version of myself am I beginning to outgrow?

• What did that version of me help me survive or learn?

• What am I ready to stop carrying?

• What would I choose differently if I trusted the person I’m becoming?

• What is one small thing my future self needs from me today?

And if you need something to carry with you afterwards, let it be this:

I give myself permission to grow beyond who I used to be.

You don’t have to reject your past to choose your future.

You can love who you were.

You can honour everything she survived.

You can thank her for bringing you this far.

And then, with love, you can keep walking.

You are allowed to outgrow yourself. 🌙🦊✨

Nova Rising Soul