The Wildflower Journal

When Happiness Feels Unfamiliar

Giving yourself permission to enjoy the good without waiting for it to disappear

Sometimes happiness catches us completely off guard. Not the huge, dramatic kind of happiness we imagine will arrive when everything finally falls into place, but the quieter kind. It might be laughing until your stomach hurts, sitting somewhere and suddenly realising you feel completely content, hearing a song that makes something inside you light up, or simply having one of those moments where you think, I’m actually really happy right now.

And strangely, sometimes that feeling can be uncomfortable.

When life has been difficult for a while, we can become so used to preparing ourselves for the next problem that peace starts to feel suspicious. Instead of allowing ourselves to enjoy something good, there’s a little part of us wondering how long it’s going to last. We almost brace ourselves for something to come along and spoil it because we’ve become more familiar with surviving than simply being happy.

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When survival becomes familiar

If you’ve spent a long time dealing with stress, uncertainty, grief, disappointment or conflict, being on alert can become almost automatic. You start anticipating what might go wrong before anything actually has. You don’t let yourself get too excited because you don’t want to be disappointed. You don’t get your hopes up because somehow that feels safer.

Maybe those habits helped you at one point. Sometimes protecting ourselves emotionally is simply how we get through difficult periods. But eventually there comes a point where protecting yourself from potential sadness also starts protecting you from the happiness that’s happening right now.

You can be standing in the middle of something genuinely lovely while your mind is already worrying about its ending. And when we do that, we never really allow ourselves to have the moment in the first place.

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You don’t have to earn joy

I think a lot of us also fall into the trap of treating happiness like something we earn once we’ve completed enough things. I’ll relax when I’ve finished this. I’ll be happy when I’ve achieved that. I’ll enjoy myself once everything settles down.

Except life doesn’t really work like that, does it?

There will probably always be another email to answer, another goal we’re working towards, another problem that needs sorting or another uncertainty somewhere in the background. If we wait until absolutely everything is perfect before allowing ourselves to be happy, we could spend our entire lives waiting.

You are allowed to experience happiness in an unfinished life. You can still be healing and have wonderful days. You can miss somebody terribly and still laugh until you cry. You can have absolutely no idea what the future holds while loving where you are today. You can want more for yourself while also being incredibly grateful for what you already have.

None of those things cancel each other out. They’re simply different parts of being human.

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Stop interrogating the good moments

Something else I’ve noticed is how quickly we can start questioning happiness when it arrives. Something lovely happens and instead of just enjoying it, our minds immediately start going, Is this going to last? What if something goes wrong? What if I lose this? What if I’m getting ahead of myself?

But sometimes something good can simply be good.

We don’t have to investigate every happy moment or work out how long we’re allowed to keep it. Instead, maybe we can start paying attention to what those moments actually feel like while we’re inside them. Notice where you are, who you’re with, what you can hear, what made you smile and how your body feels when, for once, it isn’t bracing itself for whatever might happen next.

Maybe happiness isn’t something we’re supposed to capture and somehow keep forever. Maybe part of happiness is simply learning to recognise it while it’s happening.

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Let happiness be small

When we think about a happy life, it’s easy to picture the big things. The dream home, successful career, financial security, loving relationship, travelling somewhere you’ve always wanted to visit or finally achieving the thing you’ve spent years working towards. Of course those dreams matter, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting them.

But I don’t think a happy life is actually made from one enormous moment where everything suddenly becomes perfect. I think it’s made from hundreds of tiny ones that are incredibly easy to overlook.

It’s morning sunlight coming through the window. Your favourite drink made exactly how you like it. Someone remembering something you told them weeks ago. Fresh bedding. Going for a walk and feeling the sun on your face. Dancing around the kitchen while you’re supposed to be making dinner. Getting a message that immediately makes you smile. Laughing unexpectedly. Or suddenly realising that something which once felt unbearably heavy doesn’t seem quite as heavy anymore.

Sometimes we’re so busy waiting for happiness to arrive wearing something spectacular that we don’t notice it quietly sitting beside us.

Maybe that is already it.

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Happiness doesn’t tempt fate

There can also be this strange fear around actually admitting that we’re happy, almost as though saying it out loud will somehow tempt fate. So instead we say things like, Things aren’t too bad, or I’m doing okay, or the classic We’ll see what happens.

As though enjoying something too much might somehow make losing it more likely.

But happiness doesn’t work like that. Enjoying something doesn’t make you naive. Being hopeful doesn’t guarantee disappointment, and allowing yourself to love your life doesn’t give the universe permission to come along and ruin it.

Nothing becomes safer because you refused to enjoy it.

So when happiness finds you, you don’t immediately have to prepare yourself for losing it. You can simply acknowledge it and think, This feels good, and I’m going to let it feel good.

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A gentle practice for today

At some point today, try to notice one moment when you genuinely feel good. It doesn’t have to be profound, spiritual or particularly meaningful, and you definitely don’t need to turn it into another piece of homework.

Just catch yourself in the moment.

Instead of immediately rushing onto whatever comes next, stay there for a few extra seconds. Notice it. Let yourself smile. Let your shoulders drop a little. Allow yourself to actually experience whatever tiny bit of happiness has found you.

And remind yourself:

I give myself permission to be happy here.

Not when everything is perfect. Not when you’ve ticked everything off the list. Not once you’ve achieved the next goal, and definitely not when somebody else decides you’ve earned it.

Here. Now. In whatever small way happiness happens to show up today.

Because after spending so much time learning how to survive difficult chapters, perhaps part of healing is learning how to recognise when life starts feeling good again too.

And when it does, you don’t need to apologise for it. You don’t need to question it or immediately wonder when it’s going to end.

You can simply let yourself have it.

You are allowed to be happy.

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Nova Rising Soul