Respect Your Boundaries

Pay Attention to Who Respects Your Boundaries Without Punishing You for Them

Setting a boundary can feel uncomfortable, especially when you’re used to putting everybody else’s needs before your own. You might worry that you’re being difficult, selfish or unreasonable simply because you’ve finally said, “Actually, I’m not okay with that.”

But having boundaries doesn’t make you cruel. It means you know what you need in order to feel safe, respected and comfortable within a relationship. They aren’t punishments or walls designed to shut people out. They’re simply a way of showing people how you need to be treated.

Pay attention to what happens when you express one. Do they listen and respect it, or do they become cold, angry or distant? Do they try to make you feel guilty? Do they suddenly act as though your boundary is something you’ve done to them?

Someone doesn’t have to like your boundary in order to respect it. They’re allowed to have feelings about it, just as you’re allowed to decide what is right for you. The problem begins when they use those feelings to punish you, withdraw affection or pressure you into changing your mind.

Healthy people don’t need unlimited access to you to feel secure in their place in your life. They don’t expect you to exhaust yourself, ignore your own feelings or repeatedly cross your limits just to prove that you care about them. They understand that “no” isn’t an insult and needing space isn’t rejection.

Sometimes a person’s reaction to your boundary will tell you more than the situation that made you set it in the first place. The people who benefited from you having none may be the ones who object the loudest when you finally begin creating them.

That doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong. It often means it was needed.

You are allowed to protect your time, energy and peace. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to say no without providing a full presentation, supporting evidence and a question-and-answer session afterwards.

Notice the people who can hear your boundaries and continue treating you with the same warmth and care. The ones who don’t sulk, threaten, guilt-trip or make you earn back their affection. Respect should not disappear the moment you stop doing what somebody else wants.

The right people won’t punish you for having boundaries. They’ll respect you enough to understand why they matter.

Daily Affirmation

Nova x